all my life i've wanted to be the girl that rockers write songs about. someone's muse. a girl from 'crazy' (aerosmith) or 'she talks to angels' or 'jaded' (aerosmith again). but lets face it, im just a conformist. you can't get any more common than me. just another rafflesian, another reject, another girl on the street. truth be told, i always thought i was different, i had character. i wasn't like everyone else. but i've finally learnt i am just like everyone else. and it took me a whole 18 years to learn that.

sometimes i think a simple life is great. no worries, no emotions, nothing. when i'm with mx i do feel that way. but its nv enough. maybe its nv enough for me to just stay in one place. or just be normal, be safe. maybe thats why my relationships are so destructive, or why to me the grass is always greener on the other side. but it nv is. it nv ever is. you, for one will know what i mean. i always knew i needed a rock. someone who'll wait for me to come back. to see everythign i need to see, do everything i need to to get it out of my system. and still take me back. one day i swear, one day. my real life is sitting somewhere in my soul waiting to start ): meanwhile i'm glad i've got my rock with me (:

is it weird i feel sad not having something i nv knew for sure if i wanted. i've spent so many days psyching myself up for this i thought i wouldn't care. but i guess it just hurts that tiny little bit.

cambodia was fun, but nothing beats being home. i miss xuan.

this holiday has been seriously boring , but i think i'm going to miss it once school starts . sigh . been doing nothing at home lately , except for the fairly exciting week when we were very into meeting up cause nobody wanted to be alone . now it's gone back to the usual gabbag style where nobody bothers about anybody else . which is not a bad thing actually .

i need to go on another holiday , just to maybe feel like i've actually done some stuff worthy of remembering or mentioning during forced fake conversations.

random person from law sch : rs

rs: eh so what did you do during the holidays ? i did five million attachments and read fifty thousand books and travelled all over europe on a backpacking trip !

me: oooh so fun . i stayed at home most of the time , moped about various things , killed my music collection , watched dvds everyday, waitressed (is that a word) , and hung out at home with mx at home on weekends .

ok that was the wrong example . what i should be saying is

rs: eh so what did you do during the holidays ? i did five million attachments and read fifty thousand books and travelled all over europe on a backpacking trip !

me: oooh i did many attachments too ! waitressing being one of them , cause i'm looking to set up cafes in the future . also i travelled to tons of asian countries to get in touch w my culture (actually i'm just poor la ) . and i decided to be more homely and learn to cook and everythign . it was AWESOME ( with fake spg accent )

ok i shall memorise that and practise it over the next 2 months .

anyway seriously speaking , my music sense has gone to hell after listening to hiphop (??) while working in the kitchens . seriously the songs nowadays are quite stupid . eg : you can stand under my umbrella ??? anyway cant wait till sch starts . i think school actually makes me look for good music to load into my ipod . i've realised i don't really go for bands but more of songs . hmm does that make me fickle ? superficial ? its okay we only live for awhile . better to skim through everything right ! and pick the best of each band . hurhur .

watched tons of dvds lately, and caught oceans 13 in the cinemas. seriously not as good as the first 2 or the first actually . watched woodsman , which was really over the top with the perverse thing . but it was quite good la . just quite unrealistic that everyone has some pathetic perverse disturbing history of sexual assault . HMM . watched smoking aces too which was good and funny . actually it was really funny cause my sis told me that it was ben affleck's best role in his whole career ( she was actually taling about hollywood land la ) . then when ben affleck died like 20 mins into the show i laughed my ass off . hohoho . anyway if you've watched it, i really like the tremor brothers . hahaha . aiya but it still fell short . it was quite wannabe too . also watched talented mr ripley which is by far matt damon's best work . which doesnt say much considering he did that so early in his career . maybe he's deproving . but i relaly really liked the show . how you never really found out about his history and how he's so perverse and so desperate for love and company ( male and female ) . just found it weird when he killed peter , though i bet everyone saw that coming when he started crying ...

speaking of movies , i went to borrow godfather trilogy to see what the hype is about . and man its really good . its really really really super long though and i wanted to kill myself at many parts of the show . but the last one kind of sucked . so millking it for its money's worth pls . anyway robert de niro was super super good in the second one . poor al pacino nv won anything for it . haha . and i must say i saw some godfather thing going on during oceans 13 , the part where he was damn pissed at danny ocean right at the end ( hunt you down and kill you blabla )

wow very very long post . i am going to sleep bye !

came up to shut down my comp but ended up randomly surrfing fifty million blogs. so here i am now tapping away at my keyboard in the dark. life's been really really boring, everyday waiting for the thirty min call. okay shall go watch campus superstar bye !!!!! i think im seeing grey dots . grr