This feelign really sucks. Its like crashing a million storeys into hell. So what was the point of the past ten years of studying. Guess I was never meant for the bigger things. Can't believe this was my only chance ever and I blew it.

And I don't think anyone else knew how much this meant to me as much as you do. But no, you want to do "the things you like". So seriously, fuck all this. Enough heartache for me.